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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to find out that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|